The line between friendly conversation and unwanted flirting can feel blurry, but under New York law, if flirting at work makes you uncomfortable, disrupts your ability to do your job, or creates a hostile environment, it may be illegal sexual harassment, and you have legal protections.
At Megan Thomas Law, we help employees across New York who are dealing with unwanted attention, harassment, and hostile work environments. If you’re questioning whether what you’re experiencing crosses the line, read the guide below and call our office to set up a consultation.
What Makes Flirting “Unwanted”?
Flirting becomes unwanted when it’s one-sided, persistent, or makes you uncomfortable. The key difference between friendly workplace interaction and harassment is whether the attention is welcome.
Unwanted flirting might look like:
- A coworker repeatedly asking you out after you’ve said no
- Comments about your body, clothing, or appearance that make you uncomfortable
- Personal questions about your dating life, sex life, or relationship status
- Lingering too close to your desk or finding excuses to touch you
- Sending flirty texts, emails, or messages outside of work
- Attempts to isolate you from others at work events
What matters most is how the behavior makes you feel and whether it continues after you’ve made it clear you’re not interested.
When Does Unwanted Flirting Become Sexual Harassment?
Not every uncomfortable workplace interaction rises to the level of illegal harassment. But unwanted flirting can absolutely cross that line.
Under New York State Human Rights Law and federal law, sexual harassment includes unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature.
Quid Pro Quo Harassment
This happens when someone in a position of power, like a supervisor or manager, makes job benefits conditional on accepting unwanted flirting or sexual advances.
Examples include:
- Your boss suggests that going on a date with them could help your career
- A manager implies that rejecting their advances might hurt your chances for a promotion
- A supervisor offers better shifts or assignments in exchange for romantic attention
Hostile Work Environment Harassment
This occurs when unwanted flirting or sexual behavior becomes so severe or pervasive that it creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive workplace.
This doesn’t require a single dramatic incident. A pattern of ongoing unwanted attention can be enough.
Courts look at several factors:
- How frequent the behavior is
- Whether it’s physically threatening or verbally offensive
- Whether it unreasonably interferes with your work performance
- The overall context and severity of the conduct
If a coworker’s persistent flirting makes you dread coming to work, affects your ability to concentrate, or forces you to change your routine to avoid them, you may be experiencing a hostile work environment.
Why Employers Are Responsible
Many people worry that unwanted flirting from a coworker isn’t their employer’s problem.
That’s not true.
Under New York law, employers have a legal duty to maintain a workplace free from sexual harassment even when the harasser is a coworker, not a supervisor.
If your employer ignores your complaint, minimizes your concerns, or retaliates against you for speaking up, they may be violating the law.
This obligation applies to all employers in New York State, no matter how small the company is. New York’s protections against sexual harassment cover nearly every workplace, giving you the right to work in an environment free from unwanted sexual attention.
What to Do If You’re Experiencing Unwanted Flirting at Work
If unwanted flirting at work is making you uncomfortable, you don’t have to just tolerate it. Here are steps you can take to protect yourself:
Tell the Person to Stop
If you feel safe doing so, clearly tell the person their behavior is unwanted.
You can say something direct like:
- “I’m not comfortable discussing this with you”
- “Please stop commenting on my appearance”
- “I need you to keep our interactions professional”
That said, you’re not required to confront someone directly. If the behavior feels threatening, if the person has power over you, or if you’ve already shown discomfort and they haven’t stopped, you can skip this step.
Sometimes, people aren’t comfortable being so direct, especially if the perpetrator is a supervisor. Saying something like, “do you ask the guys at work these questions?” can get the point across in a lighter way.
Document Everything!
Keep detailed records of every incident.
Your documentation should include:
- The date and time
- The location
- What was said or done
- Any witnesses present
- How the behavior made you feel
- Any previous incidents
Save flirty emails, texts, or messages. This documentation becomes critical evidence if you need to file a formal complaint or pursue legal action. Use screenshots from your personal device as opposed to forwarding information to your personal email whenever possible.
Contact an Employment Attorney
An experienced lawyer can help you:
- Understand your legal options
- Determine how to file a complaint with your employer while protecting yourself
- File a complaint with the appropriate government agency
- Pursue legal action against your employer
- Negotiate a settlement that protects your rights
Don’t wait until the situation becomes unbearable. The sooner you seek legal advice, the more options you’ll have. I see a lot of clients who try to take on too much without an attorney and then end up hurting their cases.
Report to Your Employer (with the help/guidance of counsel)
Most companies have a process for reporting harassment. Check your employee handbook or speak with human resources.
Make your complaint in writing if possible, and keep a copy for yourself. Your employer is legally required to investigate and respond appropriately. Understand that this process is rarely objective.
Understand Your Protection Against Retaliation
New York law makes it illegal for your employer to retaliate against you for reporting sexual harassment.
Retaliation can include:
- Firing or demotion
- Reduced hours or pay cuts
- Hostile treatment from supervisors or coworkers
- Being excluded from meetings or opportunities
- Any other negative action taken because you complained
If you face retaliation after reporting unwanted flirting, that’s a separate legal violation, and you have additional protections.
You Deserve a Workplace Where You Feel Safe
Unwanted flirting at work is more than just annoying; it can be a form of sexual harassment that violates your legal rights.
You shouldn’t have to put up with behavior that makes you uncomfortable. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your career or your peace of mind because someone won’t take no for an answer.
You have rights, and we’re here to help you enforce them. Contact Megan Thomas Law today to discuss your situation and explore your options. You deserve a workplace where you can focus on your job, not on avoiding someone who won’t respect your boundaries.
The information provided in this post is for general informational purposes only and is not intended as legal advice. Viewing this post, commenting, or engaging with it does not create an attorney-client relationship.
Author Bio
Megan Thomas
Founder
Megan brings a plethora of experience and a wealth of information to support her clients. Megan worked mainly in litigation before serving as the first female General Counsel for the Onondaga County Water Authority. Megan believes that employees need an even playing field in order to meet their potential in the workplace. She works tirelessly to stand up for her clients’ rights and help them regain their power.
Currently, she serves on multiple boards, including the Rosamond Gifford Zoo, the Central New York Women’s Bar Association, and the Hiscock Legal Aid Society. In addition, Megan is a member of Women’s United and the New York State Bar Association. She also volunteers her time as a t-ball coach. Megan was a recipient of the 40 Under Forty award.
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